Bark Box: Super Chewer Edition (Review)

What do my friends have in common with winter?

Answer: You all have stuck around!! – I hope (By the way, I HATE winter, but LOVE all of you!)

It’s been a few weeks since my last review…maybe more like a month. I’m sure none of you were counting though. You’re all too busy chewing bones, and eating treats, and chasing your tails…right?!?!

Anyway, last week, I put a poll up on Instagram to see what my next review should be. And with 58% of the votes, it was the Bark Box: Super Chewer Edition! (Sorry freeze-dried duck and pear treats … you were yummy)

As you may have noticed, this wasn’t up last Thursday. We’ll call it a schedule mishap. What it really was, was Mama deciding that she didn’t have time to help me write the review because she had to prepare for the Memphis Comic Convention. Which I also didn’t get to go to! That’s a whole ‘nother story though. I did get three new bandanas out of the deal though. You’ll have to stalk my Instagram Feed to see them (soon, soon, I promise!!)

Long story short, I had a slumber party at Mimi’s, and then was whisked home Saturday night when Mama left the convention “sick as a dog” (how rude!) and I had to be Bodie.Doctorboy for the rest of the weekend! We slept for almost two days!! And I had dinner and breakfast in bed! I’m sure you all had your paw-rents to take care of over the weekend too though.

So I’ll continue. With the story you’re really here for! The story/review of my first ever Bark Box: Super Chewer!

(Disclaimer: this box was bought and paid for by my Mama. This was not a freebie, and it was not sponsored!)

Now, I should say, that I’m used to a box being on the front porch every month. It’s always boring stuff though, books, and t-shirts, nothing that interests me. This box … it didn’t seem any different, so I walked right past it, and through the front door. Mama went to the kitchen to get her pokey stick, and cut the sticky away, and then she told me it was for me! THE WHOLE BOX!

Of course there was paper covering it (who cares…am I right?!) Then some cardboard that told what was in it (I didn’t waste time reading it! I learn by doing!) And finally … inside … were my goodies.

This time there were two toys, two bags of treats, and two “bones.”

Mama showed me the toys, but I wasn’t interested so she threw them on the floor (I’ll get to them in a bit). Next she showed me the treats, both were crunchy, which is fine with me! I have strong dinosaur teeth! RaWr!!

To help all my friends, I’ll go through each one:

(One) The Tough Tiki Pole

            I didn’t care for this one at all. It was marked as the small dog version, but it was too big for me. Mama put treats in it, and I tried for a few seconds to get them out, but it was a no go. The pegs to push your tongue through were too tough, and the toy was too heavy for me to pick up by myself. Well, it was too wide to pick up, even if I could I wouldn’t have been able to jump on the couch with it. Mama threw it on the floor, and the cats sniffed it, but they lost interest fast too … and the little one, Pip, will play with ANYTHING! (Seriously, she digs in the office trash can, and drags it all over the house!)

On the website, the toy gets 3.5 out of 5 stars. I’d have to give it 1 star. I couldn’t do anything with it. All is not lost though! I gifted it to my friend Lucille, she’s a Pitbull.

(Two) Fetchin’ Waves Surfboard

            Talk about boring! Sure it was shaped like a surfboard, and smelled like chicken, but that was all it had going for it. I didn’t sniff it but once. I’ve had something similar before, and its best described as a NylaBone, but WAY bigger…and hard hard plastic! Would I have teeth now if I tried to chew it?!?! W00f no! And I need these teeth for treats! The details on it were cool, because it looked realistic, and there was even a giant chunk “bitten” out of it, but it must have been a pup with the Jaws of Life or even Adamantium jaws (Think X-Men’s Wolverine)!

On the website, this surfboard gets 2.5 out of 5 stars (ick!). And once again, I have to give it 1 star. Again, not a total loss, because I gifted it to Lucille, but from what I hear, she’s not so into it.   This just in! She actually loves it! Guess it took her some time to warm up to it.

(Three) Tendon

            Now this is what I’m talkin’ about! It was the first thing I was able to nom down on, and I went to my usual man cave, underneath the coffee table, and chewed this baby up! Mama forgot to do her one job on this one, and time me, but we think it took about 15 minutes for me to chew up. Not long, but it was tasty. Also, Mama was pretty shocked that it wasn’t super stinky. See duck feet for that odor. (YuM! My favorite!) Not too much to say on this one … it was delivered, I destroyed it, and it’s in the yard fertilizing the grass now!

On the website the tendon gets 4.5 stars out of 5. I’d give it a solid four. It was good, but at three dollars each, I could get 4 duck feet and have 4x the treats, and each one lasts about 10 minutes.

(Four) Bacon Me Crazy

            For this one, think dental chew, only a little tougher feeling in texture. I got through this one in maybe 5 minutes, but probably sooner than that. It was bacon flavored, but just tasted like meat to me, and was about six inches long and two inches wide. Nothing to wag home about, also, I prefer the ones that are shaped like toothbrushes that Mama and Daddy buy me.

On the website, the only similar item I could find was called the “Kona Bacon Chew,” and it got 4 out of 5 stars. I’d give it 3. Again, at $3 each, Mama could buy me a handful of toothbrush dental chews.

(Five) Hawaiian Duck (Crunchy Treats)

            I’m still munching on these, and they are good! They are shaped like ducks, and Mama and I can really smell the pineapple and honey. What we do love, is that there are only a small amount of ingredients, and none of them sound like they were created in the lab of a mad scientist. These are yummy!

On the website the duck treats get 4.5 out of 5 stars. I’d give them 4 stars. They are yummy, and I’m not going to turn away a treat (except a sweet potato treat…keep that poison away from me!). I don’t know if I’d pick them out at the pet store though. I’m more of a meat and potatoes kinda guy.

(Six) Tiki Treats (Crunchy Treats)

            Probably intended for the Tiki toy … but I just enjoy them without the hassle! Mama says these just smell like oats, but they are pretty tasty. And they have pork in them! MEAT! Again, these are crunchy, but they were good enough treats to bribe me into my St. Patty’s day photo shoot, so they’ll do! Also, again, I probably wouldn’t pick them at a pet store, but it was good to try!

On the website, the Tiki Treats get 3.5 out of 5 stars. Like the other crunchy treats, I’ll give them 4 stars. Yummy, but basic tasting.

While I enjoyed getting a package in the mail that was all mine, I have to say, I wasn’t impressed. I couldn’t even play with the toys, so of course I couldn’t destroy them! Also, I should point out, when Mama signed me up for the box, she did fill out a form that requested my size. That didn’t really seem to make a difference. The catering for size, seemed too mild to make a difference (Point: the Tiki Toy for “large dogs,” has three heads, the one for small has two … uh, wut?!?)

If you'd like to check out what has come in this or past boxes, wag on over to Bark Shop

Overall, I have to rate this box 3 out of 5 wags. I’ll nom on the treats, and the “bones” were tasty. I really wanted some new toys though!

UPDATE: As of today, (March 15th, 2017) my second box has arrived, and Mama says we will be canceling it. Nice try Bark Box: Super Chewer. The point may be to make the toys non destroy-able … but that’s a given when they just lay on the floor, untouched.

I’ll be doing an Instagram poll to see if my friends want me to do an unboxing of my second box (we’ve kept everything intact…but once again, it looks like a fail on the toy end).

(Final Disclaimer: All of these images belong to and were used for the purpose of a personal review.)

Until next time! 
- Bodie & Mama 


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